What the Frack is Hydraulic Fracturing?

(and why you should be very concerned)

blog by: Alisa

Clean, natural gas: it’s the stuff of energy independent dreams. It’s also the stuff of land, water, and health contamination nightmares. Natural gas has been touted for decades as the solution to American dependence on foreign oil. You wouldn’t get any argument from me; we’ve sucked ravenously at the teat of Middle Eastern oil long enough. The U.S. spends an average $700 billion ($700,000,000,000 – that’s a lot of zeros) annually on foreign oil, which equates to roughly 70% of the annual oil consumption in America. Yes, by all means, let’s find a way to break that cycle and keep that money here at home. Doing so would create jobs and stimulate the national economy, two things we desperately need to pull away from the slump.

This woman sure seems convinced that natural gas is our salvation. 
Click to watch her have a Natural Gas 'Eureka!' moment.

However, this solution isn’t as clean and natural as some folks would like us to believe.

About 60 years ago, the process of hydraulic fracturing (also known as ‘fracking’)  was developed to open up the land deep underground in order to gain access to oil and gas reservoirs trapped under rock formations, like shale and coal beds. These formations are typically anywhere from 5,000 to 20,000 feet below the surface where the earth is not permeable enough to cost-effectively extract the deposits.  Enter the dawn of hydraulic fracturing. The process is fairly straight-forward: a wellbore is drilled down vertically and then horizontally into the rock bed. A casing (a tube as long as the well) is inserted into this opening, and then cement is pumped through the end of the casing until it is forced back up the wellbore, around the casing, forming a barrier which is supposed to keep gas and fracturing fluids from seeping out into the rock around the wellbore and into aquifers. Any residents or businesses who rely on water from wells would have their wells fed from underground aquifers, so it makes perfect sense that land and aquifers must be kept free of contamination. After the well has been formed and cemented, millions of gallons of water, proppants (either small ceramic beads or sand), and a chemical mixture is injected into the well at a very high pressure. This pressure breaks through the end of the well and is forced out into the rock, fracturing the rock open, pushing the sand and chemicals into the cracks to keep the fractures open, and allowing the trapped oil or gas deposits to flow into the well and up to the surface for collection. Simple and efficient, right?

So what’s the big deal? Why are so many people up in arms about the gas & oil companies that are setting up their rigs all across America (and around the globe)? It isn’t just about the trucks that take over their roads. It takes about 200 tanker trucks to bring the water used to fracture a single well. (In the county where I live, there are 7, 825 wells.) It isn’t just about how close a drilling outfit can set up a rig near a residence. They typically maintain a 500 foot distance from living quarters, but, technically, they can come as close as 150 feet away from a home if they wanted to do so. The 150 foot distance is a safety precaution; in case their 150 foot tall well rig falls over, it won’t crush the house. No, the major complaint that residents living in a drilled area have is the chemical cocktail that is fed down the well during the fracturing process.  These chemicals are considered to be ‘proprietary secrets,’ protected from being disclosed.  These chemical ingredients contain KNOWN CARCINOGENS and are injected into the ground, and sometimes they make their way into the local aquifers, and they are protected secrets.

The people who live around the wells are not afforded this same protection. If their domestic water wells become mysteriously contaminated and unfit to drink or bathe from, the burden of proof is on them to prove that the contamination is connected to the nearby drilling operations. However, and here is the insidious genius of protecting those chemical cocktails, no one can prove that their wells became contaminated by fracking solutions because there is no one outside the drilling company who has the right to know what was injected into the ground. The unfortunate humans and animals who drank contaminated well water have a myriad of illnesses ranging from rashes, nosebleeds, organ failures, respiratory system failures, and brain tumors. Livestock farmers have awakened to find their cattle lying dead around their fields. Goats give birth to young that cannot stand because their joints are full of toxins. Sheep give birth to gruesome-looking, malformed lamb heads.

Don’t believe this is happening right here in America? Look it up. Oil and gas are the only two industries which are allowed by the Environmental Protection Agency (EPA) to inject hazardous materials either directly into or near drinking water supplies. Unchecked.  No monitoring by the EPA. At all. How did this happen? Do you remember Vice President Dick Cheney? Before he took office, he was the CEO of Halliburton, the company which patented the hydraulic fracturing process and is today one of the top three manufacturers of hydraulic fracturing fluids. In 2004, the EPA did a study on the effects of hydraulic fracturing fluid, and concluded that it posed little or no threat to drinking water supplies. Would you be surprised to learn that Halliburton staff were actively involved in the review of that study?

The conclusion that fracturing fluids posed no threat to life or land led to the 2005 national energy bill exemption of fracturing fluids from the Safe Drinking Water Act.  What does that mean? It means the drilling companies can inject anything and everything they want (except for diesel fuel) into the ground, and no one can ask them what it is or if it’s safe. The reason they aren’t allowed to use diesel fuel is because one of its components is benzene. Benzene is produced both naturally and by human activity, and was determined by the Department of Health and Human Services to cause cancer. Definitely should not put that stuff into the ground. And yet in January of 2011, it was revealed that 12 drilling companies injected 10.2 million gallons of straight diesel fuel into wells in 19 states over the last five years. Go back and read that last line again. If it doesn’t scare the hell out of you, read it again. Still not scared? On top of the straight diesel fuel, they also injected 21.8 million gallons of fracking fluids containing not less than 30% diesel fuel. Not one of those 12 companies applied for a permit to use diesel fuel. And no regulators seemed to be aware that this was happening every day.

While drilling companies do recover some of the fracking fluids once the wells become operational, roughly 50% to 75% of those fluids remain underground. Meanwhile, the toxic fluids which are recovered are are considered to be ‘produced water,’ and is disposed of in a few different ways. Some of the produced water is trucked away to be treated or cleaned and reused, some of the water is injected into what is known as an underground disposal well, and the rest is left to evaporate in collection ponds. Often, these ponds have liners which are damaged, allowing the fluid to seep through cracks and holes. Some ponds have had no liners at all. Even with a liner in pristine condition, the method here is to allow the toxic water to evaporate directly into the air. Think about that for just a moment. Yes, it’s true, and yes, it’s as scary as you think. Residents who live near these evaporation ponds have reported becoming ill with respiratory illnesses. They also suffer excruciating headaches and sometimes blackouts.

Another unintended consequence of fracking the land is the release of flammable gases, such as methane. Basements can fill up with methane gas seeping up from underground, and some people can light their domestic well water on fire. Seriously. Sure, they could invest in bottled water for themselves and their pets, but what if they have livestock or crops to water? What should they do when they want to take a bath or shower? More than one home owner has been told that methane is a naturally occurring gas and that there’s no way to prove the methane that is making them sick was released by the fracking process.

What is the solution? It’s simple. Repeal the exemption from the Safe Drinking Water Act and force the drilling companies to disclose every single component of their fracturing fluid liquids. If it’s toxic, ban it. They can find something else to use, but they won’t spend the money to find or produce it until they are forced to do so. What else can be done? Hold the drilling companies liable for spills and contaminations. Spills happen much more frequently than the public hears about. In just my county alone, there were 420 spills between the years of 2004 and 2010. Three of those spills affected groundwater sources, and six other spills affected groundwater and surface water (ponds, creeks, lakes, rivers, etc).

But it gets worse. The drilling companies haven’t limited themselves to only the destruction of American land and water. Hydraulic fracturing is used around the world: Canada, Poland, Russia, France, Australia, Sweden, Britain, Italy, New Zealand. It has pretty much gone global.

Oh, and I almost forgot…. there are a growing number of people who suspect that this underground shifting (the fracturing) is causing earthquakes. The state of Arkansas is a prime example of this suspicion. Fracking is being used in a number of places around the state, and their seismic activity has spiked quite a bit in the past five years. It could be a coincidence, but it could also be yet another unintended consequence of an industry gone amuck.

CLICK HERE to watch an excerpt

from Josh Fox's Oscar nominated documentary, GASLAND

Life as we know it: Musings from a semi-tamed chick

blog by: Kim

When are we supposed to grow up? According to my watch, I should be an adult by now. Every detail of life should fit into a nice little box. Husband, home, kids, career, spirituality and dazzling style to top it off.  Well don't be fooled. Life is never perfect and try as we may, some of us struggle against the grain more than others. Don't get me wrong, I think I am much better now than I was at 21, but each decade seems to have a different feel to it. I personally try to strike a balance between being a domesticated housewife to also being my own woman. I never wanted to be too domesticated.

I find the more authentic I am, the better I feel and I'm better to be around. I also see that there are so many differing personalities and opinions out there. Some I appreciate and like, and others I most certainly do not. Marriage and mommyhood are parts of domesticated life that can give you a run for your money, but if you step back from the chatter and find your center, you will eventually find your truth and happiness. Good female friends who "get it" are also an amazing thing to have in your back pocket through life's journey.

above: 2011 Bonnie and me (R)

I read this recently and loved it. The following excerpt is written by Kyran Pittman, Author of Planting Dandelions:

"We live in an age that exalts lifestyle over life. “Gurus” tell us how every aspect of living is to be arranged and displayed as our perfect offering. It’s not enough that our homes, gardens, tables, and wardrobes are styled to the last detail. Our beliefs must be fashionable, too—the more exotic, the better. But most people can only afford the extract of imported spirituality—they get some of the flavor, but not the substance. It’s the new truffle oil.

I believe in seeking. I believe ardently that you should drop everything and run toward your true self, as far as you have to go. But I want to put in a word for the path that winds through the backyard, because it can be just as meaningful and wondrous as the one that goes up the mountaintop, if it’s your path (hint: your path is the one dead in front of you). You want a spiritual discipline? Try staying vitally connected to the same person year in, year out, through surprise pregnancies, late mortgage payments, toilet seat battles, and the occasionally strong temptation to walk away and make a living tending bar somewhere on the coast of Maine. Domestic life is full of moments of truth, if you stay awake to them."

The Paper Bag Lunch Girl

blog by: kim

School Cafeteria

Me: “what did your mom make you for lunch?”

Little girl next to me: “peanut butter and jelly on wonder bread, fritos, a twinkie with soda. why are you staring at my food kimmy? what do you have in your paper bag?”

“uh…a sprout sandwich, an apple for dessert and some warm apple juice. raisons for snack. wanna  trade?”

“no weird paper bag girl!”

And so it was my cafeteria life in grade school. A few times it was Triscuits with raw veggies. Whaa? No wonder why I can’t get enough peanut butter as an adult.

When I was really little, I’d dream about those crunchy greasy things that kids called potato chips and secretly wish my mother didn’t sprinkle wheat germ on my food. What  was that anyway? 

As a kid I wanted  junk food and I was not pleased that I couldn’t just have a normal lunch like the rest of the kids. The friday pizza looked so good. If I was given a little money to buy white milk in the school cafeteria, I’d sneak and buy some sort of chocolate hostess cake instead and then lick my little fingers clean. Yummy.

It’s funny how our eating habits as kids makes a difference on how we eat as adults. Even though I didn’t grow up with both parents, years later I remember my father being  good about eating healthy. I was utterly horrified by this. He and my step mom would juice things, fruit, veggies, you name it- it went down that little tube and came out in liquid form. I’d stand there and shake my head and scowl. "Pffft… how odd" I’d say. 

What little I knew. But to this day, I still stick to my coffee as you can see... 

And why oh why did dad work out almost daily? I understand it now, but the time it made no sense. Talk about discipline. I was more interested in boys.

Nowadays I have finally settled into a happy medium. I’m not overboard with the healthy stuff,  you still have to live and enjoy life! But I  also choose whole wheat over white, virtually no greasy fried foods,  chips only on occasion and so on and so forth. I am not disciplined enough to eat all non fat /gluten free/sugar free foods that I cannot pronounce. One must live a little now and then, yes? 

Which brings me to the issue of dieting. I have heard of some of the funniest fad diets. No matter what, even if you take off the weight- if you don’t figure out how to eat healthy and moderate the calories over the long term, it’ll just creep back on. Losing weight AND maintaining it, is about lifestyle. Healthy eating habits and routine exercise are the only way to go. I know. Don't look at me that way. I didn’t write the rules.

Check out these funny fad diets:

The Twinkie Diet- Eat junk food and lose weight? By sticking to 1,800 calories a day - around 600-800 fewer than needed to maintain weight – the guy lost 10 lbs in the first three weeks of his "diet". It shouldn't come as such as surprise. After all, you could lose weight eating two candy bars a day: it's the calories-in verses calories-out that matter.

Eat Backwards and Lose Weight- The Reverse Diet has you reversing the order of what you eat: a heavy dinner for breakfast, regular meal for lunch, then a light breakfast for dinner.

The Lemon and Lime Diet-
According to this diet's rules, you are allowed to only ingest two things (besides water): lemons and limes. The diet's creator believed that this diet would promote health. However, the smarter people out there realize that only eating lemons and limes will cause a serious diet imbalance. No, really?

The Master Cleanse
- It’s has become famous due to the variety of celebs that swear by it. This diet involves drinking water along with maple syrup, cayenne pepper, and lemons. While you'll certainly lose weight by just ingesting these four things, you're looking at a serious imbalance in your body. Just thinking about it makes me very grumpy.

The Toddler Diet - Just eat toddlers. Oh my, that is funny.

But focus back over here. Fad diets don’t offer a healthy, long-term weight control plan. They are so very restrictive. They aren’t a healthy form of dieting that can be incorporated into life for the long haul.

Many diets buy into “yo-yo dieting". Yo-yo dieting is the back and forth gain and loss of weight from excessive dieting. Real weight loss is slow when it is finally done from a healthy perspective.

People who go on fad diets are putting their body at risk for disease and illness. Most fad diets restrict you from eating foods that are packed with the vitamins and nutrients the human body needs to protect itself from fatigue and sickness.

 So maybe, just maybe those people that raised me were actually onto something. Perhaps now I’m a little more thankful for my embarrassing, sprout- filled cafeteria days after all. 

love, the weird paper bag girl

Confessions of a Thrifty Fashionista

blog by: kim

Oh how I love clothes shopping for a good deal and being eco friendly at the same time. Being good to the environment doesn’t mean that you have to do without comfort, style or nice clothes. Thanks to vintage & thrift stores, it means being kind to your environment while you shop.

Upscale resale boutiques are great. These places accept newer, gently used clothing that is current. Thrift stores require more sleuthing, but it can be well worth it.

Me in my $4 BeBe White Hoodie. . .

I think BeBe is a bit over priced in the malls if you are paying full retail, so I was happy to find this.

Me in my American Eagle T shirt today...$3.00 

...and the American Eagle T shirts retail for $24.95!
Cute jeans were $9. Name brand.

My new cotton sun dress with embroidered flowers. Too cute to pass up! I won't even tell you what a great price this was.

Plato’s Closet offers American Eagle, Hollister, Aeropostale, Gap, Juicy and other top name brands.

Once Upon a Child for little ones. You’ll find Limited Two, Justice and other hot brands that are otherwise over priced.

I found these black knee-high boots that would have been over $100 retail at the mall. Got them for $8. Yes really!

Being environmentally savvy or "green" involves renewal, regeneration and giving back.  Here’s ideas that are eco-chic and high on style:

Reused Clothing-

All reused clothing is green, since – by being salvaged – it doesn't find itself piling up in a landfill for all of eternity. It may take a little time and patience to hunt for individual items, but when you uncover those truly one-of-a-kind pieces that rival many of today's mass produced fashions, second-hand shopping is totally worth the work. So go ahead and shop with wild abandon in your local thrift or vintage clothing store.

Thrift, Consignment & Vintage Shopping Tips-

Every fashionista knows that clothing made prior to the mid 1960s was usually top quality, which is why much of it is still in excellent condition at the local thrift or vintage shop.  

Thrift Stores versus Consignment Shops versus Vintage Boutiques-

Consignment stores –  where the original owner retains some of the revenue from the sale, as opposed to making a straight donation to the shop – will often have equal quality to vintage boutiques, however thrift stores – with their hodgepodge collection and crammed racks of donated clothes – are where you must truly become a fashion sleuth.

Vintage shops will more consistently yield the best selection and the highest quality but prices will be higher than consignment shops or thrift stores. You are paying for a knowledgeable staff and a selection that is usually grouped by decade.

Until the 1960's most clothing was made to measure by major fashion houses, local seamstresses and even department stores, so definitely do not overlook unfamiliar labels. With this garments made prior to the sixties, higher quality is a given, especially if the label is woven and has been completely sewn down.

Another indicator of a high quality garment is the buttons: jet, brass, bone, pearl and the button holes themselves are a sign of good craftsmanship. Look for details such as quality lining and well-sewn seams, it will set excellent garments apart from the rest.


Thrift stores and resale stores are basically shops that sell resused items, in this case clothing, shoes and accessories.

Of course the cutest accessories that are a combination of vintage, handmade and upcycled costume jewelry are in my Etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/Studio50

I have a handful of new items. I also keep the prices LOW so everyone can afford to look good. Here's a few....


This cute silver clutch

This Rocker Chic multi colored stone bracelet

These pink glass bead silver earrings. 

And for Hello Kitty Collectors, this change purse.

Recycling Vintage Fashions = “preloved”


Ciao

New Years "Revolution" by Alisa

 This time of year has always made me think about the kind of person I want to become. Someday. Who doesn’t want to be a better person? More knowledgeable, healthier, wealthier, reliable, accountable, and dependable. I’d like to be all of those things and more. And I’d like to be that way yesterday. I’m not a lazy or unmotivated person, so why am I not all of those things already? I’ve been giving that a lot of thought these last few weeks. 

Carl Jung wrote, "Everyone carries a shadow, and the less it is embodied in the individual's conscious life, the blacker and denser it is." Basically what this means is that we all have our dark sides; the characteristics of our personality to which we are usually blind. The more we suppress and deny our shadow, the more it can actually rule us. (Think Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, without the potion.) These shadows of ours are impulsive, irrational, and quick to judge others. The interesting thing is that the shadow will take our own personal insecurities and inferiorities and project them as shortcomings in other people or in society. It’s an odd soothing technique of the ego: I’m fine. It’s you who has a problem. (I never do that, by the way. But you always do.) In short, the shadow is our destructive side.

Instead of really inspecting myself for why I haven’t gotten as far in life as I have hoped, I’ve cast a lot of blame through the years. If only my childhood had been different, I would have more confidence and self-esteem. If only the Ex hadn’t turned out to be so lousy, I wouldn’t have wasted ten whole years of my life just spinning my wheels. Give me enough time and paper, and I could give you a long list of reasons why I am who I am. “Others have excuses. I have my reasons why.” The trouble with all those comforting reasons is that none of them actually give me comfort, they just anesthetize me and keep me from moving in any meaningful direction. Well, enough of that.

Let me say upfront that this is not a resolution. Maybe making pacts with one’s self works for others, but, well…. I stink at them. If I can’t keep a promise to myself in May or August, I seriously doubt making a promise in January is going to make any difference.

“Be the change you want to see in the world.” Hmmm… that’s a tall order Mahatma. When would I ever sleep?

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?" Hmmm… I’m just a product of my experiences, Marianne, and the brilliant and fabulous ones are outnumbered by the less-than-fabulous experiences. However, I’m in the mood to chase a rainbow. Maybe even do a little shadow boxing if that’s what it takes. 

I grabbed a few favorite ‘feel good’ books and began reading with new eyes, paring down the mountain of advice into a hill of suggestions.

Step 1: Identify the most common projections that I place on others or on society. For me, the two most common are ‘injustice’ (the thought that bad things which happen are unfair and somehow my fault) and ‘defensiveness’ (shutting down on others who seem to be attacking me somehow and looking for the chinks in my armor which would expose my weaknesses).

Other shadow projections may include, but are not limited to: arrogance, blame, idealizing of others, jealousy, superiority, paranoia, and prejudice. *

Step 2: Figure out how the projected feelings relate to situations from our past. Usually they are rooted in childhood – the time when we are most impressionable. This is a slam dunk for me. The past was nothing but a petri dish for growing these projections. This could be scary, but I’ve been to this garden patch before, and have tended to these memories on many an occasion. The trick now is to find these overgrown, thorny patches and prune them back into a manageable shape. Don’t waste time trying to rip them out by the roots; they run too deep and are too large a part of the psyche. Attempting to remove or deny them would be an attempt to deny one’s own self. Not recommended, Dr. Jekyll.

Step 3: Making peace with the past. I want that more than anything. It would be just dandy to look back at the past and feel numb to it, but that’s not very practical. I know all too well that those memories aren’t going anywhere. Better to accept that all I have, all any of us has, is RIGHT NOW. If my life (or more accurately, my attitude about my life) is going to improve, I have to let go of yesterday and stop deluding myself with the notion that I have an endless amount of tomorrows.  I can choose to dwell on the ghosts of hurt, fear, and anger, or I can choose to have peace. Yes, the choice really is that simple. No, I have not been drinking the Kool-Aid. I can “Yeah, but…” til the cows come home, but not a single one of those has ever made me feel any better.

We remember the things that hurt us because that is the way of the mind. We remember so that we can avoid the cause should we be faced with it again. It is a survival mechanism, and the urge for self-preservation is an innate and powerful force. But remembering is not the same as reliving,  just as forgiving is not the same as forgetting. There is no benefit to recycling the same old emotions. That’s the one prospect about a new beginning that I can get behind: out with the old and in with the new. (Unless, of course, the new stuff sucks, too, in which case I would be S.O.L.)

These three steps are just the tip of the iceberg. There’s a lot more work to be done after this, but at least I’m in a position to begin on the other stuff. After a year of letting go of a lifetime’s worth of hurt and anger and worthlessness, I feel surprisingly at peace. I had expected to feel a lot more guilt for having dropped so much baggage because dropping the baggage also required that I let go of the people who helped create it.

Phase Two of this personal overhaul may prove to be a bit trickier than this first phase. A friend of mine, for whom I have a great deal of respect, recently told me, “Love is everywhere you look. It’s all around you. You just have to learn how to recognize it.” It felt like I was standing in the middle of the Sahara, on the brink of certain desiccation, and was being told, “Water is everywhere you look. You just have to recognize it.” Really, my friend? Because all I’ve been able to see for miles are endless drifts of sand.

I’m not trying to be brash. In fact, being brash all these years is what has led to this forlorn way station in the desert. But I am and always have been a black sheep; a broken branch. And old habits die hard – even habits that have long since outlived their purpose. This is me swearing an oath to make every attempt to follow the sage advice; to learn how to recognize what I need and to actively look for it. It’s not a resolution, it is a revolution.

What comes next? Putting down my expectations for tomorrow, and getting to work on today. If I can move away from the things which have paralyzed me for so long, then I can begin putting one foot in front of the other. There’s surely lots more to do, but I'll be creating the path as I go along because I’ve never been one for outlines, graphs, charts and all that mind-numbing organization. That stuff makes me wanna take a hot bath with a warm razor, which would probably defeat the whole purpose.

*I’m not making this stuff up. Head on over to your local library or check out Amazon books, and look for the works of Carl Jung. If you want to better understand what he meant, and hear it presented in ways that are applicable to daily life, look for books about ‘the shadow’ by other authors, such as:

~The Shadow Effect – Deepak Chopra~

~21 Day Consciousness Cleanse: A Breakthrough Program for Connecting with Your Soul's Deepest Purpose – Debbie Ford~

~Why Good People Do Bad Things: How to Stop Being Your Own Worst Enemy – Debbie Ford~

~The Gift of Change – Marianne Williamson~

~Spiritual Partnership: The Journey to Authentic Power – Gary Zukav~

Kim responded:

I couldn't have said it better myself Alisa. I hope people are able to slow down long enough to really read this blog entry and take it in because it's rich with excellent advice and good points. Make peace with the past. It takes TIME. Personally, I have been into psychology my whole life. I was just too impatient to pursue a degree in it. I fizzled out after a few semesters because i couldn't sit still long enough to study. I find I analyze the human psyche all the time and try to be aware of how I am acting in response to my surroundings. 

(I TRY, not always successful)

A couple of points I want to make since you are on the topic of the past AJ. None of us can deny, our past is part of us. Our roots are who we are. Be it ugly, abusive, pretty and perfect and everything in between. We cannot control that. After we grow up and become adults, our reality is more in our control to try to overcome the negative. BUT i think anyone who assumes they will never have ghosts of the past is kidding themselves. It is not reality. I think it is ok to take the good with the bad and eventually accept it. It makes us who we are. None of us is perfect. Give yourself a break and accept that already.

These days so many of us are "broken branches". Family no longer has to be blood relatives. If you come from a close family, you are blessed (will you adopt me?) but some of us do not have close families. Friends become family and we work with what we are given.

I also think that TIME and maturity plays a big role in becoming a better version of ourselves. I am better now in my 30's than i was in my 20's and better than my teens. In my later years I hope to become an even better version of myself to. (that remains to be seen!) I do recognize the ego and how our past plays a role in how we act in the present. Some people do not recognize it. Some do. Looking back, some of the things I did in my 20's makes me shudder. I know I put my daddy through some cringe worthy moments and for that I am sorry. I am a work in progress. I am sure my own little girl will give me a run for my money as she grows up. I will have to allow for her to go through her own up's and down's and mistakes. It'll be a bitter pill for me to swallow.

As for the books you mentioned AJ, I have a few on my bookshelves as we speak. For the naysayers who don't like the idea of self-help or personal empowerment- i feel bad for them. We can all use some polishing. Wake up. There's so much we can learn and do on our own to be better people in the long run.

I try to keep both feet firmly planted in reality. "Love is all around us" your friend said AJ? This is true. But with the good, there is the bad. Light and Dark, Ying and Yang. I try to be positive, but there is also the darker side that is there looming in all of our worlds. Just do not dwell on that side. It's not a nice place to be.

Sometimes I think we expect perfection with our expectations. I see people get caught up in who drives the best car, has the nicest house, the most money, etc. Personal possessions being of the utmost importance over inner happiness. Don't get me wrong, I love all of those things to. There just has to be a balance between the two. I can spot a materialistic fake person a mile away like a heat seeking missile. Try a serious health scare like cancer or heart disease-that'll snap you back to reality real quick.

It is hard not to project when we carry a "shadow" but I try to be really aware of why i do what i do. I don't trust most females for example. I realize it stems from my first failed relationship with my own mother and so on and so forth. Am i healed from it? Only to a degree. I think it will always be there. I may never really trust most women, but I'm self aware enough to recognize it. Sure it occasionally bothers me still, seeing women who have good relationships with their mothers. But by now I need to wake up and know that is not MY reality and move on. It is a painstakingly slow process, but every year gets easier.

I blame my ex husband for making a decision that changed the course of all of our lives forever. Then again, i play a role in it all as well for making wrong and impulsive choices that lead me to that situation in the first place. In any relationship, if there's strife- it's easy to point the finger at the other person, and your points may be very valid- but what role did you play in the whole situation? Those in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

In 2011 treat people in a way that they feel BETTER about themselves than before they met you. Leave them with a good feeling instead of anger. I promise you, it will make a big difference in your life. I know so many people who are caught up in drama and hate. It is toxic. Steer clear. I have been sucked into it to. People irritate me. It's life. But indulge in as little of it as possible.

Here's to an amazing 2011. It's not a resolution, it's a REVOLUTION.

all my love, kim